Ok so I was thinking about some of my friends and their goings-on today, I won’t give out names, and one thought led to another:
Life would be so much less stressful if we all just lived with no expectations. Think about it. We walk around most days expecting something, looking forward to it. Nothing’s wrong with looking forward to that party or that phone call or whatever, but we tend to almost plan out how it’ll go. If it’s something we’re really waiting for with great excitement/anticipation, we plan out how we’re going to dress, act, speak, etc. That isn’t so bad either, right? BUT just pay attention next time you’re looking forward to an event. Do you ever find yourself almost planning out what OTHER people are going to say and how they’re going to act as well? We set ourselves up in an imaginary situation and then EXPECT that party/phone call/whatever to follow your plan in some way.
But in the end, what if it doesn’t? What if once you get to know someone you start expecting something of them because you know them better than you did when you just met. To me, I find it much simpler to communicate with someone when I’ve just met them because I don’t know anything about them. I don’t expect them to say something because there is nothing to base the response off of. Without expectations, there is no stress of waiting for them to do or say something. They don’t owe me anything, I don’t owe them anything, it’s nice. When we get to know that person and enter into a romantic relationship or close friendship or even just become their co-worker or something, we kind of begin to almost figure them out before the situation even comes along. Stuff like:
“Why did she say that?”
“Why isn’t he replying?”
“She’s supposed to talk first.”
“He’s supposed to at least say bye.”
“Where the Hell did that just come from, they sound like a totally different person than usual.”
Well screw the usual! The usual doesn’t exist. People change, situations change subtly, different things make people tick, the different responses that you could get from that same person are infinite. You can NEVER know everything about someone or how they will react. So how about if we stop waiting for someone to make that first move or getting anxious when they don’t say “Hi” as soon as they log on AIM or MSN or Yahoo. And let’s stop thinking of the possibilities of WHY that person didn’t say good-bye or ignored you or whatever. The reality could be much better or worse than what we expect it to be. Instead, just think about the present and know that you can ask them about it next time you talk to them in the afternoon or the morning or a week from now, whatever. And if a situation doesn’t go as planned, STOP PLANNING THEM!
Instead of:
“I’m going to the movies with him tonight. Great. We can talk about so and so and then he should say so and so. And he should pay for me. He might try to make a move, in which case I will etc etc etc etc. And when he does make a move I’ll blah blah blah blah, so then we’ll start dating and have babies!!!!”
Try something along the lines of:
“I’m going to the movies with him tonight. Great. I’ll bring money because I’m an independent person who does not expect someone to pay for me, we’ll see how it goes.”