Since infidelity is usually a symptom of a relationship with some major problems, after infidelity happens, it’s usually very tough to come back from it. Even tougher still is managing to repair the trust and damage to your relationship after someone has cheated. Even though this can be painfully devastating, it’s important that you both recognize that infidelity is almost always the result of a relationship that has some major issues in it… which have led up to the cheating. If you decide to work it out and try to repair the relationship, then it’s important that you focus on restoring the relationship after infidelity, and after you have both have had some time to consider the problems that have led up to this. The main thing to focus on is the fact that when infidelity happens, it is usually a very common reason that it took place. That reason is because your partner was looking for something that they were not getting out of the relationship and thus, sought to get it elsewhere. Men and women both will typically think this is naturally sex, and that is not always the case. The key is figuring out what it was that you or your partner are not getting out of the relationship and then begin the repair process.
Here is what you can do to make the entire healing process effective after infidelity.
Don’t Play the Blame Game
Before you get defensive, I need for you to hear this out if you were the one that was cheated on. Natural human behavior is to blame the one that did the cheating after infidelity. While this seems like the logical thing to do and all the anger and painful devastation of an infidelity come crashing in on you. Keep in mind that infidelity is a symptom of a problem with your relationship and it’s possible that you could be part of that problem. It doesn’t excuse the cheating however, but it’s important to realize that laying all this blame and being overly angry towards the cheater is not going to rebuild your relationship after infidelity. Sure it may make you feel better, but the truth is that it will only drive your significant other away from you even faster and make the relationship even more difficult to repair. You just need to move past it. As impossible as this may sound, the best thing you can do if you wish to save your relationship is to be patient and wait for your partner to admit the wrong doing and make an apology. Your turn will come but at this junction you don’t want to force blame and fish for apologies. Spend the time trying to fix the relationship instead.
Find the Reasons Why
Finding the reason is more important then the repair in my studies. If you can manage to get past the cheating and over your anger after infidelity, you will find out that knowing what caused it is going to help you in all your relationships if you cannot repair this particular one. The reasons why are more important then the possibilities of repairing a relationship after infidelity. If you don’t have an understanding why it happened, then even if you do patch things up, it’s only bound to happen again. Statistically your relationship will fail if you are not able to find out what caused infidelity. Perhaps this step is the most difficult of all. It requires your complete and total honesty with yourself and with your partner on both sides of the issue. If you keep your emotions at bay, you will be able to communicate your way through this process amicably without sudden outbursts of angry accusations and blame throwing as your partner tries to make feeble excuses and lash back in return. Their reasons might sound like excuses and defensive arguments, but if you keep an open ear and truly listen, you will be communicating your way to finding the truth behind the core reasons of why the infidelity happened. That’s when you can find out the truth to what changes need to be made in order to fix your relationship after infidelity.
Regardless of the fact that an infidelity might not have been your fault, the one that needs to take charge for repairing the relationship is most likely the one that was cheated on. It ultimately becomes your responsibility to take charge. When you leave it to your partner who did the cheating to fix the relationship, they will be making great efforts to appeal to your good side. Your partner will be trying to please you at every whim that they possibly can as your partner is trying desperately to “make it up” to you. It might make you feel better, but when you’ve been cheated on, you are the victim of broken trust and disrespect. When you take charge after infidelity and become the one empowered to make the repairs to your relationship, it is giving you back the respect and pride that infidelity robbed you of.
Learn to Trust Again
Remember how figuring out the reason behind infidelity can be the most difficult step? Well learning to trust again can be even tougher then that. And in many ways, when trust is broken it is sometimes never reinstated again to the level that it was. This step is vital to the health of your relationship if you are planning on fixing the problems and staying together after infidelity. No partnership will thrive and endure if there is paranoid feelings and distrust in the way. If you cannot heal past the suspicion of your partner then you will never learn to trust again, and your relationship will wither.
There are many resources available to help you recover after infidelity, and you should make use of them.
People who truly love, look forward to their “love” being returned and growing to a state of deep happiness. We crave to be loved and hope for our relationships to grow with meaningful deep passion. Love does not mean we are “blind” or ignoring the problems within our relationships however. It means that for those that are willing to look beyond the issues and problems that may arise in any relationship, we simply do not allow our problems to rob us of our happiness. Most couples can find that they are capable of working through any issue and problem with enough love for their partner. When that love starts to turn cold, and love becomes weak… it is not enough to simply work through the issues.